ChimsNotes for the slows:

• Last week, we took you on a bodacious tour of those teams that might matter this year—those that are knock, knock, knockin’ on playoff’s door—alongside a few click-bait fan favorites [cough Florida State! cough]. If you missed it, check that out as a precursor to this week’s Part Two, where we’ll…

• Roll out our prime pots! That’s right, our “Playoff Locks” and our “True Contenders.” Who looks like the cream of the crop this year? Burt and the boys walk you through as BoxSlayer makes his triumphant return with a series of red hot preseason futures, as well as his pick in Irish Farmageddon! Football is upon us folks…

• A humble request as we get set to blast into another season: If each of you loyal readers got just one friend or family member subscribed this week, it’d make all the difference in the world to us. That would [checks math…double-checks with nerds in back…] double our weekly readership! If you’re able, we’d be incredibly thankful. Now…onto the show!

2025 Preseason Pots - Contender Edition

By BurtReynolds69 and Badger Bill and Dr. Chim Richalds

You know our disclaimer on preseason rankings by now—we don’t do ‘em. Instead, we throw teams into preseason pots. Who’s a lock for the playoff? Who’s a bona fide contender? And who’s sniffing around that contender status?? Jump in with us, folks…the water's fine! (And remember! Within each pot, the teams are laid out in no particular order. We ain’t even gonna pretend to rank these teams before any games are played.)

Pot 1: Playoff Locks

NOBODY

That’s right. We don’t see anybody on that level this year. In last year’s preseason pots, we fingered—old police term!—Ohio State and Georgia as locks to make the field. And they did! This year? It feels a little more wide open. A product of the portal/NIL era? Perhaps…And you know what? We kinda dig it…

Pot 2: Playoff Contenders

Penn State Nittany Lions

Cool uniforms. Dedicated fanbase. Perennial pretenders. [Record scratches] I’m kidding! Shea put the knife down!!

The above slander comprised the entirety of our preseason preview for Penn State last season…And what did James Franklin’s Nittany Beavers go do? They not only made the playoff, but they won a couple postseason games and were a few plays away [cough Allar’s pick! cough] from making the national championship game. This year, they’re among the betting favorites to win the whole thing, and for good reason: they return a ton of proven production on offense (though they did lose All-American tight end Tyler Warren), they boast one of the best offensive lines in the country, and their defense should be stout under new DC Jim Knowles—whom the Nittany Lions poached from Ohio State (heard of ‘em?!). The key question for me: Can Penn State—who’s developed under Franklin a very Penn State-ish identity of a bruising run game and gap-sound gang tackling—now add a vertical threat to its offense? And can quarterback Drew Allar be that guy (pal) when it matters most—that is, in heavyweight conference clashes with Ohio State and Oregon, and in potential do-or-die scenarios in the playoffs? I remain skeptical about the golden boy. I am not, however, skeptical about the rest of this roster. Perhaps in a season without a clearly dominant foe, a Penn State that wants to take you apart like a Western PA steelworker takes apart his Camaro on the weekends will be enough to finally get these boys over the hump. -Burt

Ohio State Buckeyes

Nobody in college football has earned a down year more than Ryan Day, who got 100K shit-tossing, Rage virus monkeys off his back by buying, er, leading his boys to the natty... Okay, maybe they were only Buckeye fans, butttt admittedly it did become hard to tell the difference… Ain’t no rest for the weary, though. Ohio State hasn’t lost more than two games in a season since Urban Meyer showed up at the tail end of the first Obama administration. Returning the best player in the game on both sides in the ball (WR Jeremiah Smith & S Caleb Downs) and a 3-game losing streak to TTUN, the rabid monkeys in Columbus aren’t interested in waiting another decade to collect their next title. Badger’s big question? It took Ryan Day until this week to name former 5* RS freshman Julian Sayin as QB1 after a long battle with junior Lincoln Kienholz. Sayin can definitely chuck it around the yard, despite his less than impressive physical tools. Given that Kienholz is only really noted for his athleticism, Buckeye fans would be sleeping easier had Sayin taken the reins early and led the team through camp. As they say, two girls, one cup… wait, that’s not right… if you have two, you don’t have one. Just a little somethin’ to monitor with this Manning kid coming to town week 1. -Badger

Miami Hurricanes

I’ll toot my own horn: We were ahead on Miami last year. We put ‘em in playoff contention right from the jump. But guess what?? Mario fucked it up!! That’s the kinda question that gnaws at Miami fans’ brains as they turn off the Lakers game and get ready to read their Yankees updates as they pound a 4Loko and get ready for bed: Even if Mario gets this roster back to a true Miami level, can he appropriately manage himself in tight-game situations? Or is he going to botch a critical late-game call at least once a season? Miami brings back most of what was already an elite offensive line last year, as former Georgia signal-caller Carson Beck steps in to fill the fairly massive shoes of Cam Ward. Ward was worth every penny of that $1.5-million deal he signed with the ‘Canes last season, helming the country’s most explosive offense and ultimately going first overall in April’s draft. If Beck is to take this team to greater heights, Miami will need to be an assload better on the defensive side of the ball, where they were a sieve for explosive plays in '24. The talent is good up front (though the depth is unproven), and the ‘Canes hit the portal hard in an attempt to re-stock their secondary with Miami-caliber talent. That Miami's DB group has been as bad as it has in recent seasons is an absolute sin given the elite defensive back talent that comes out of South Florida each year. Cristobal, Beck and co. will need to put the pieces together quickly: Miami opens with Notre Dame, catches Florida and Florida State in back-to-back blood feuds in weeks four and five, and then gets both Louisville and SMU on the front end of their conference slate. This team could be 6-1 and in the top 10 in mid-October, or they could be 4-3 and questionably motivated… -Burt

Florida Gators

[Rhythmic chanting] Lagway, Lagway, Lagway… [Florida fans huddle around an ugly relic in a godless swamp…the ancient figurine wears a visor…their eyes glaze over as they savor a glimpse—perhaps! —of the savior to their once-proud program that hasn’t done jack shit in 15 years.] The Florida Gators pulled off a stunning finish to last season, beating LSU, Ole Miss, and a reeling Florida State team to propel the Lizards into a hype-filled offseason few thought possible 12 months ago. Ballyhooed sophomore QB DJ Lagway returns, and if you want to talk about tools (and I don’t mean Tebow—hey-ohhh!!!), this kid’s got ‘em: Huge arm, NFL size, good pocket-sense and escapability, and a maturity that great quarterbacks often possess at the college level. Here’s the problem: Florida drew the same ridiculous schedule they drew last year: LSU, Miami, Texas A&M, and Ole Miss are all road games, as the Gators also enjoy delightful home dates against Texas, Tennessee, and FSU, on top of their annual neutral-site bout against Georgia! This team could be nasty and still go 9-3…But for Gator fans, 9-3 and late-season relevance—particularly against a brutal schedule—has to be a breath of fresh ass…I mean…air! Billy Napier is doing his damndest to build a house here, and Florida should be good in the trenches on both sides of the ball. They’ll be able to run it behind a beefy and experienced offensive line, and if Lagway is healthy and slinging it over top of that? The sky’s the limit for this offense. Their problem may be depth (including on the defensive interior), and it may just be that nard-shot of a schedule. If Florida gets banged up, or just doesn’t come out of the gates clicking, it’s going to be tough for these assclowns to make the playoffs. That said (!), because of their ceiling, and because these boys have continued to play hard for Napier under difficult circumstances, we have them knocking at the door in the preseason. -Burt

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

This would have been a laughable call 12 months ago—and some of you bozos will laugh now—but head man Brent Key has the Jackets playing their best ball in…a couple decades? Tech did lose defensive coordinator Tyler Santucci to the NFL (he’s now the Ravens’ linebackers coach—decent defensive staff there) and big-play wideout Eric Singleton to Auburn via the portal (for a gold Trans-Am and a lifetime discount on YellaWood), but that doesn’t change the fact that the Jackets are coming off a season in which they initiated Florida State’s calamitous downward slide, knocked off a then-undefeated Miami, and probably should have beaten in-state rival Georgia in an insane, eight-overtime thriller. This program’s hallmark under Key has become an almost military academy style of effort and physicality that's a great foundation for any football team. Tech returns the Haynes Your Way duo of quarterback Haynes King and stud tailback Jamal Haynes (credit to noted hipster podcast The Solid Verbal for that one), and if Key is successful in retooling the offensive line—and if the Jackets are able to spring an upset in week three against Clemson or even play the Tigers close—I see this as a team likely to be in the hunt for a playoff spot well into the holidee season. -Burt

Arizona State Sun Devils

Skattebo, Skattebo, wherefore art thou Skattebo? Nobody in the country returns more starters than Arizona State, but can lightning strike twice for the Sun Devils without the soul that carried them—literally and figuratively—to the brink of the final four? Jordyn Tyson might be the best receiver in the country not named Jeremiah Smith, and 35-year old Coach D is out to prove ASU wasn’t just a one pump chump. -Badger

South Carolina Gamecocks

After a 3-3 start in ‘24 that included heartbreaking losses to LSU and Alabama and a blowout loss to Ole Miss, TTM firmly (and fairly!) planted Lil’ Beamer’s ass on the hot seat. The Gamecocks responded by rattling off six wins in a row—including a road upset at playoff-bound Clemson—to finish 9-3, before dropping a close one to Illinois in the Cheez-It Citrus Bowl. That bowl loss and, probably more importantly, the offseason loss of a bevy of defensive starters to the NFL has cooled the hype around this bunch somewhat, but it don't stay cool in the Midlands for long...South Carolina comes into the season ranked for the first time in 11 years, as young guns LaNorris Sellers and Dylan Stewart (is he old enough to vote?) look to recreate some of that late-2024 magic. But given the schedule, and given the 14 (!) 'Cocks from last year's roster who are now competing for NFL roster spots, I feel like they're gonna have their work cut out for them to stay in the Top 25. With a second half that includes bouts with LSU, Oklahoma, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas A&M, and Clemson (Jesus...), I have trouble seeing the Gamecocks winning 9 games again this year, but I’ll be watching to see if dynamic young playmakers like Sellers and Stewart can prove me wrong once again. -Chim

Kansas State Wildcats

This one's pretty simple: I'm a sucker for a Chris Klieman-led K-State team. These guys have won 10, 9, and 9 games over the past three seasons, and they return key pieces like quarterback Avery Johnson and running back Dylan Edwards from a team that was fairly dominant (+72 yards per game) in Big 12 play. If they can get past a feisty Iowa State bunch in a week zero Farmaggedon matchup in Dublin, I like the Wildcats to remain in the playoff hunt well into November. -Burt

Auburn Tigers

We'll keep this one brief (because it's the last one I'm writing...): Auburn boosters turned off spigot to the Tigers' '26 recruiting class this summer in a pretty clear signal that this season is put up or shut up time for Hugh Freeze. Here's what the good Baptist has going in his favor: This is easily the deepest, most talented roster he's had in his time on the Plains. Here's what's probably keeping him on his office phone deep into the night: Quarterback Jackson Arnold essentially fell apart at Oklahoma last season, and the Tigers face a three-game stretch of at Oklahoma, at Texas A&M, and Georgia beginning in mid-September. The Plainseagles will need to have their shit together early, or these crazies will likely be looking for a new coach by the end of November. IF THEY DO THOUGH, and if Arnold thrives in Freeze's quarterback-friendly system, this team is talented enough to bang against a tough SEC slate. -Burt

Illinois

What a time to be Bret Bielema! After shit talkin’ South Carolina coach Shane Beamer on his way to a Cheez-It Citrus Bowl trophy, Bielema and Illinois return a Big Ten-leading 16 starters from last year’s 10-3 squad. Ranked #12 with a favorable schedule, you might expect Coach to be dialed in for an opportunity to take his team—and his career—to a new level…but this is Bret Bielema we’re talking about!

TTM can exclusively report that Bielema is still at his old antics, having been spotted puking poolside in the towel bins at the Fiesta Bowl meetings in May. Let’s not kid ourselves...he still sounds like a GREAT fuckin’ hang. But for a guy whose party habits were a source of many a contentious rumor when he was a young coach in his 30s, it's probably not what you’re looking for as an Illinois fan heading into a once-in-a-generation kinda season. This guy’s teams have habitually disappointed the higher the expectations have gotten. I would know...his first year in charge at Wisconsin just happened to be my freshman year in Madison. Buyer beware on the Illini in 2025. -Badger

This Pot: For the People

Florida State Seminoles

Hoo boy…What a steaming pile of traaaesh my Seminoles were last season. Head coach Mike Norvell’s portal-heavy approach—responsible for FSU’s ascendancy to 10- and 13-win seasons in ‘22 and ‘23—absolutely Oppenheimer’d in the ‘Noles’ faces in '24, as a leaderless bunch of mercenaries started poorly and then—let’s call it what it was—downright quit as the team death-spiraled to a 2-10 record that was yet another kick in the nard dawgs for the folks in Tallahassee. So what’d Norvell go and do this offseason? He hit the portal of course!! Here’s the difference—or it’s what Seminole fans are hoping’s the difference—this year: rather than chasing former blue-chip recruits who were unhappy at School #1, Norvell and co. returned to their Jared Verse/Braden Fiske roots and targeted proven, highly productive players in the portal, regardless of their high school star rating or the logo of their first school. New starting quarterback Thomas Castellanos isn’t without his flaws—he threw 14 interceptions in just 330 attempts in '23, and definitely runs hot from an emotional standpoint—but he also brings some of that proven production to the table: Castellanos ran for 1113 yards and led the country in explosive runs in '23, shredding an elite FSU defense in a wild second half of a near shock upset. New offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn won’t clip Castellanos’ wings like Bill O’Brien did at BC in '24, when the dual-threat QB was asked to sit in the pocket and make pro-style reads. No no no…the Gus Bus will utilize the QB run game behind a re-tooled offensive line, then look to hit chunk plays over the top to talented wide receivers like Duce Robinson and Squirrel White. New defensive coordinator Tony White brings an aggressive, unconventional scheme from Nebraska, and the ‘Noles should, at the very least, be more disruptive on that side of the ball (although their depth on the defensive line is more than fair to question).

Bottom line: The Seminoles will be better this season, but I also expect them to be fairly volatile. Could they beat Alabama in week one? Yeah, they could. But they could beat ‘Bama and then lose to NC State…That level of volatility seems likely to hard-cap this team at 8 or 9 wins—which would be viewed as a nice bounceback season in Tallahassee—and which is part and parcel to Norvell’s portal-heavy approach, where his teams are forced to fit a lot of new pieces together in a truncated timeframe. At the very least (!), FSU should be a whole hell of a lot more fun to watch this season. -Burt

Wisconsin Badgers

Look, my beloved Badgers aren’t making the playoffs. They’re blessed by one of the nation’s toughest schedules. They have six preseason Top 25 matchups, including #3 Ohio State, road games at #7 Oregon, #8 Alabama & #14 Michigan, and a handful of others who expect to be ranked at some point this season. So, having missed a bowl game for the first time in 22 years, just showing some fire and making a bowl game will be a meaningful improvement for most Badger fans. At the very least, they’ll look more like what you’d expect from a Wisconsin football team. After a couple disastrous seasons in Phil Longo’s air raid offense, Luke Fickell did some soul searching and brought in OC Jeff Grimes to revive the power run attack. Thank god. Boasting a nice stable of backs, a beefed up D-line, and a good mix of guys to throw off the edge, the vibes in Madison are certainly trending back up. Keep an eye out for D3 safety transfer Matt Jung, who hauled in 16 interceptions in two seasons, and looks plenty ready for the Big Ten. Wins are required though, and that will come down to the health and consistency of transfer QB Billy Edwards Jr. If not, Fickell will enter 2026 on a scorching hot seat. But this Badger Bill likes the rebound. Full believer they’ll surprise some folks and hit their win total (plus odds OVER 5.5 wins). We’ll catch ya’ll in the postseason. -Badger

North Carolina Tar Heels

Chapel Bill fans are hopeful that their silver fox of a new coach can bring home the Heels' first ACC Championship since the Carter administration, but it ain’t happenin’ this year, folks...It was a wild offseason for Carolina, with 51 players departing the program via the portal (perhaps most notably 2024 sack leader Beau Atkinson, who joins the Ryan Day Show in Columbus) and nearly 40 coming in, but the majority of those additions are relatively inexperienced at the college level. Hey, if you need a guy to develop talent, there’s not many better than Bill Belichick. His hire was a momentous swing for the fences for a program long blessed with potential but not results, and if you're a Tar Heel fan, I say just enjoy the ride. Ya gotta think at some point the Heels are going to string together a series of good wins without immediately following that run with an absolute head-scratcher of a loss against some dead-fish program (see: Virginia, James Madison, Duke, etc.). Probably not this year, but it’s bound to happen at some point, right?! Perhaps Belichick is the DNA-changing hire this program needed to finally take itself seriously in football. We'll know more in a just a few short weeks, as UNC opens with a nice power-conference test in TCU. Enjoy the spotlight, Tar Heels. -Chim

Tennessee Volunteers

First thing’s first: Tennessee made the god damn playoff last year. That’s a huge step forward for a tradition-rich program that’s been pressing, pressing, pressing for any kind of demonstrable achievement for what seems like 20 years, and it’s proof that Josh Heupel is capable of shepherding the Vols back to the big stage. That said, these boys lost a lot from last year’s team: stud pass rusher James Pearce, Jr., SEC Offensive Player of the Year Dylan Sampson, four starting offensive linemen, and of course quarterback Nico Iamaleava are all gone, but I'm of the belief that Heupel has raised the floor of this roster to the point where they're still going to compete. A somewhat favorable conference schedule—the Vols draw all four of Vandy, Kentucky, Mississippi State, and Arkansas while avoiding the Texas schools and LSU—could see Tennessee enter its Third Saturdee in October matchup with Alabama at 5-1 (or better). I'm not sure the ceiling's there to make a playoff run this year, but ole' Bobby Hill's got this program on its best footing since the Fulmer days. -Burt

Virginia Tech Hokies

Hokie head man Brent Pry doesn’t strike me as the excuse-making type, but had his guys not gotten absolutely hosed on the final play of the Miami game last season, that team—which had some legit talent but nose-dived after a string of close early losses—probably wins 8 or 9 games and enters this year on an entirely different trajectory. Instead, 2024 will go down as a missed opportunity for Tech, who was hoping to re-establish themselves as legit contenders in the ACC and—critically—to leverage that success into again becoming players in high-profile recruitments within their talent-rich home state. At his zenith, Frank Beamer regularly pulled blue-chip talent from the Tidewater (Southeast Virginia) and Richmond areas; if Tech is to return to its former glory under Pry, it’s absolutely imperative that he show proof-of-concept on the field this season to 1) draw increased financial support into the program and 2) attract high-level Virginia talent to stay home. Sensing this pressure, Pry made changes at both coordinator positions this offseason, the hallmark of a head coach making his last stand. The Hokies do have the luxury of returning a veteran quarterback in Kyron Drones, a mercurial talent Pry hopes will benefit from the tutelage of new OC Philip Montgomery, who coached Robert Griffin III to a Heisman Trophy at Baylor. Unfortunately, the Hokies got hit pretty hard in the portal, losing their starting left tackle to Auburn and a stud DB to LSU…but there’s a quiet confidence from within the program that they addressed several needs of their own in the portal and are poised to surprise this season. A neutral-site opener against a hyped South Carolina team should give us a good look under the hood right off the bat. -Burt

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