CliffsNotes for La-Z-Boys

• An apple-picking weekend turned into a surprisingly saucy slate of statements and surprises. Burt walks you through his takeaways from week 2.
• Chim, Bill, and the Boxman get you prepped (“Doctor…” “doctor…” “doctor…”) for an undeniably sexy slate this weekend.
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Burt's RFTs from a Surprisingly Saucy Week 2

By BurtReynolds69

USF’s a ballsy bunch, and they’re in pole position for a playoff spot.

When you’re a Group of Five team—meaning you reside in one of the five leagues that sit just below the Power Four—and you schedule Boise State, Florida, and Miami back-to-back-to-back to start your season…you’re doing absolutely everything in your power to prove that you can baw wit da baw da bang da dang diggy diggy (aka…bop with the big boys). South Florida, where my mom began her college career—shoutout, Mama!—is one win away from sweeping that trio and putting itself a country mile ahead of any other G5 playoff hopeful.

We know this about head coach Alex Golesh’s Bulls: they’re going to show up to Hardcock—I mean Hard Rock!—Stadium well-prepared, and they’re going to play their asses off for 60 minutes. This is our concern though, dude…Whereas USF has emptied the clip in both their wins, Miami—already the considerably deeper team—is coming off a 45-3 drubbing of Bethune Cookman where they were able to sit their starters for most of the second half. Do the Bulls have the gas in the tank to finish off this three-way? If they do, it’ll be an all-time run for a G5 team, and they’ll have essentially locked up a playoff spot (absent a disastrous conference slate…). For Miami, it’s about taking the Bulls seriously ahead of their blood-feud with a team that didn’t (Florida), but you’ve gotta believe USF has their attention now.

Sling Blade Billy faces his Alamo

Look, we pre-fired embattled Florida coach Billy Napier early last season after a dysfunctional-looking Florida team got run over by a first-year-coach-, true-freshman-backup-quarterback-led Texas A&M in the Swamp for their second blowout loss of the season…and the bastard survived it! This year? Well you ain’t foolin’ me twice and shame on me! The fine ‘necks down in Gainesville don’t take too kindly to losing to what they see as a lowly commuter school in their own home state, but hey, at least they’ve got a couple tune-ups to get right before conference play…[Borat voice] Eh-not!!

All shade aside, though most Gator fans would like to see Napier on a one-way Greyhound out of Gainesville tonight, the reality is their administration appears reticent to fire ole Sling Blade in-season, which means he and a talented —if confusing—team will get the opportunity to regroup and run the gauntlet that awaits them. It begins with Saturday’s trip to Baton Rouge in a traditional cross-divisional rivalry that’s produced all kinds of voodoo throughout the years. If the Gators spring the upset over a Tiger team whose offense is still finding itself, and then stack a road win over hated rival Miami on top of that, where’s that leave things?? Admittedly, that seems like a fat chance right now, and if I were handicapping it, I’d say Florida’s making slimy, swampy, behind-the-scenes plays for Lane Kiffin and Jon Gruden come November, but the games must be played! And it’ll be fascinating to see how these guys respond.

The preseason smoke on Oklahoma had some fire behind it.

The well-hyped John Mateer Era is off to a roaring start out in Twister territory, as Oklahoma looked like a mean, rough-and-tumble bunch in dispatching a talented Michigan team in last week’s primetime blockbuster. I tend to trust Brent Venables to field an aggressive, disruptive defense—which they certainly look to be this year—but his offenses in Norman thus far have been pure butt cheeks. This year’s team looks far more complete, with a gamer of a white-guy, dual-threat, dust-bowl playmaker in Mateer. At this point I expect Oklahoma to be 5-0 and in the top ten when they meet Texas in the rickety old Cotton Bowl, and if I were picking today, I’d probably take ‘em to leave that one 6-0. Here’s the problem: The back half of the schedule is brutal: OU gets Tennessee, Alabama, Ole Miss, LSU, Missouri, and South Carolina over a seven-week stretch. Can they win, say, four of those? If they can, you’re likely looking at a playoff team.

Oregon rips a grown man's mullet off, looks like a West Coast war machine.

Oklahoma State head coach—and noted 40-year-old man—Mike Gundy poked the duck with some pointed comments ahead of his ‘Pokes’ trip out to Eugene last weekend…and boy did Oregon reciprocate. Dan Lanning’s Ducks laid the beating of a lifetime on the once-proud Cowboys, leading this one 69-3 in the third quarter. Candidly, I didn’t catch much of it, but I can say this with some confidence (and admit I didn’t call it in the preseason): Oregon ain’t taking a step back this season, and Lanning and co. may have a damn war machine on their hands out there in Nike Country.

The Meat and Potatoes: Game Previews

#6 Georgia at #15 Tennessee, 3:30pm, ABC, UGA -4.5

By Dr. Chim Richalds

It’s a Tale of Two Quarterbacks as the Dawgs travel north to Rocky Top to take on General Heupel and the Vol Army, with the GameDay crew in town for what should be this weekend’s banner matchup. Georgia’s looking to make it 9 straight against Tennessee in what amounts to the first true test both these teams have faced this season.

Two weeks in and Tennessee fans have to be pretty pleased with how all the offseason quarterback shenanigans have panned out: they essentially traded Nico Iamaleava to UCLA for former App State-turned-five-minute-Bruin-and-now-a-Vol Joey Aguilar, and while UCLA has sucked ass with Nico over the first two weeks, Aguilar has been airing it the hell out with 500+ yards and five touchdowns, two of which went for 50-plus.

Of course, Aguilar and the new-look Vols haven’t faced a defense like Georgia’s yet, and it’s Kirby Smart’s defense that’s largely been the key to the Dawgs’ damn-near decade-long win streak. The secondary, anchored by KJ Bolden and Daylen Everette, will look to keep the big, gamebreaking plays to a minimum, something Georgia has been able to do historically against Heupel-led squads. Tennessee has not surpassed 200 passing yards, nor have they thrown for a touchdown, in any of the previous three matchups.

For Gunner Stockton, this is the first SEC road test of his career, and it couldn’t come in a more intimidating environment. Neyland’s 100,000-plus moonshine-drunk hillbilly hooligans are stacked right on top of you, and they’ll be hard to block out early in a matchup where Georgia may need to open up its downfield passing game to have success. Georgia’s offense has only attempted 10 passes of more than 10 yards across two games (!), even with a bolstered receiver corps that includes portal gems Zach Branch and Noah Thomas. My over-reacting, seen-this-one-too-many-times gut feel as a Georgia fan is to scream “FIRE BOBO” into MyPillow™, but maybe this is more Stockton than Bobo. Either way, as the OC you’re in charge of the offense, and you gotta allow (convince?) your guy to take some shots at some point. That point should be this weekend.

What could perhaps help create those downfield opportunities the most would be solid early running from Nate Frazier, who has yet to look like the star I thought he’d be but feels due for a breakout performance. Backup Dwight Phillips, Jr., who’s been a welcome surprise out of the backfield, adds a dynamic element to the Georgia run game. If that run game’s there early, let the kid chuck it over the top!

Chim’s Pick: I said it early on last season, but for any n00bs, I’ll say it again: I will never pick against Georgia. Fade me! Unsubscribe! IDGAF! (I’m kidding please don’t…). Georgia, buoyed by their defense, brings Aguilar back down to Earth. Stockton lets that cannon loose. I’m taking UGA and the over.

#16 Texas A&M at #8 Notre Dame, 7:30pm, NBC, ND -6.5

By Badger Bill

“It’s a long season and you gotta trust it…” Wise words, Annie Savoy.

A year ago, Notre Dame and Texas A&M kicked off the 2024 season with a banger. ND came out cookin’, the Aggies rallied, and then Jeremiyah Love carried the Irish out of Kyle Field with a W. The kind of win that sets the tone for an entire season!

Orrr…one week!

The tone goes flat. Down goes Rockne. Northern Illinois beats Notre Dame in the shadow of TD Jesus.

The Irish wouldn’t lose again in the regular season, but questions lingered. How good are these guys really? Long forgotten were the cajones they showed in College Station.

Here’s the reality: it is a long season. Nobody’s winning titles or crashing out on Saturday night. But take a lesson from last year. When the pressure ramps up and playoff spots are on the line, don’t focus on the off days. Remember who was hangin’ brain when the competition elevated.

My eyes are (averted) on Aggies QB Marcel Reed. Reed, who did not play in last year’s matchup, spent the offseason determined to add a little more “dual” to his dual-threat label. So far, so good. But, Notre Dame’s secondary is a different beast. If TAMU wants to make noise in the SEC, we’ll get a feel for if Reed is really up for it this Saturday night.

Fortunately for the Irish, this won’t be their first real test. Freshman QB CJ Carr (grandson of legendary Michigan coach Lloyd Carr) showed a ton of moxie in week 1, rallying his boys back from a two-touchdown hole before falling to a late field goal. The question for ND is simple: are they more the team who dominated the fourth quarter, or the one who fell flat in the first three?

Whoever gets the job done, bank this one for the November resume debate. Don’t sweat (as much!) the one stupid hiccup along the way.

Badger’s Pick: I like Reed and TAMU way more than I did last season, and I like Notre Dame less. That said! I think the Irish learned something about themselves in Miami…the same thing the Aggies will have to find out this weekend. Add in the extra week of rest and game prep, and it’s just the luck the Irish need. Domers 31-27.

Boxslayer's Weekly Booty Call

(Box Locks season record: 2-1)

Week 2 Recap: I took my first L in the Box Locks column, but to be perfectly honest, I wrote my pick for that Iowa/Iowa State game when the spread was -2.5 and would’ve hit had we kept it there… (Editor’s note: I banged Box on this one. His true record is 3-0, but we’ll call it 2-1 because that’s what we ultimately posted. That’s on me, Big Box). I could go on for ages on the crazy bad beat we suffered in the Ole Miss game—it’s quite clear Joey Freshwater (aka Lane Kiffin) was on the over when he called that late time out, even though Kentucky was clearly going for the TD with the clock rolling…—but here we are. Let’s get back rolling with this week’s lock, and let’s cash a damn parlay.

Boxslayer’s Box Lock of the Week: South Carolina vs. Vanderbilt – Vandy’s off to a 2-0 start to follow up a shocking 2024 campaign in which they beat ‘Bama and Auburn, and nearly knocked off several other SEC big dawgs (single-score losses to Texas and LSU). However, they got blown out by South Carolina in Nashville in ‘24, and this year’s game is in Williams-Brice. When you combine a night kick with copious amounts of Sandstorm and one of the most electric pregame ceremonies in the country, you should go ahead and chalk this one up as another blowout win for the Cocks. LaNorris Sellers and co. are playing great football right now, and they should move it at home against a defense that hasn’t really been tested. Box’s Lock: Back South Carolina at -3.5.

Big Box’s Weekly Three-Way Play

1. Georgia -3.5 – Line started at -6.5 for the ‘Dawgs, which seemed about right, but it’s zoomed toward UT since. I’m fading the public here, as I expect Georgia to beat the Vols for their 9th straight win in the series.
2. Clemson – 3.5 – The Jackets are proving an ACC menace under Brent Key, and will give Clemson a hell of a game. Ultimately though, a banged-up Haynes King can’t carry them far enough, as the Tigers cover through a breakout performance from Cade Klubnik.
3. LSU -7.5 – A night game in Death Valley is a TOUGH task for a reeling squad. Two sub-par offenses will likely result in an Under hit here, but LSU’s defense is just too good for the Gators, and I expect LSU to win by 10 or more. Seat’s going to be HOT for Napier come Sunday.

Badger Bill's B1G Lock of the Week

I love gooooooold! Golden retrievers. Golden State. Golden Bears. Golden Gooophers…And my 3-0 Golden Locks of the Week! (B1G Locks: 3-0)

It’s a Gold Out in Berkeley. 7:30 PT kickoff, television permitting. That is a late start for Minnesota, after a long flight out west. Cal freshman QB Jaron Keawe-Sagapolutele (say that 5 times fast) looks like the real deal. And Coach Justin Wilcox knows a thing or two about beating PJ Fleck. Called a suhweeet 2nd half shutout as Wisconsin’s DC as my Badgers rallied to take the Axe in 2016. Good times. I’ll flirt with the money line, but… Back the Bears here at +2.5.

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